I know this might sound crazy, but I need to get something off my chest. I was already halfway out the door with my boyfriend — the relationship was dragging, and I honestly didn’t see a future with him. Then through a mutual friend, I found out he started reconnecting with his ex behind my back and after some investigation, I eventually found evidence.
The funny thing is, I was going to leave him anyway, but now that I know about her, something in me refuses to go. My friend says I’m being petty and wasting my time, but the thought of walking away and making life easier for them feels like letting them win. Although I was thinking of leaving, I did not cheat and he had no right to.
I don’t think I want him in the long run, but I also don’t want to give them the satisfaction of thinking they pushed me out. Is it wrong to stick around just to remind them I’m not that easy to get rid of? Or am I just setting myself up to look like a fool in the end?
Be honest, Koren, am I being petty or am I justified?
Dear lingering girlfriend,
Girl … what exactly is the prize you’re trying to win here? A man you don’t even want? A front-row seat to watch two people fumble their way back to a recycled relationship? Trust me, that’s not a lesson — that’s a subscription to drama you don’t need.
Let’s be real — sticking around to “teach them a lesson” is like setting yourself on fire to warm up two people who wouldn’t even notice you’re burning. Meanwhile, they’re off living their best second-hand love story while you’re tying yourself to a situation that expired two emotional seasons ago. You were planning to leave for a reason and I’m certain that reason still exists.
You are being petty-ish and you are being a bit self-righteous, but mostly, you’re being human. Even though you had not lelft as yet, things were clearly not working as, perhaps, even though you were there in body, you had already checked out. It would have been evident in your words, attitude or behavior and so maybe he felt it was okay to move on. Is it cheating if you were already halfway out the door? Disengaged? Uninterested? Inactive? I’m just asking.
I’m sorry you are feeling like you are being pushed out. Nobody likes feeling like they got played, especially by someone they were already planning to leave, but instead of focusing on them, focus on you. Think about what you need. This triangular situation sounds unhealthy and a bit toxic and I think you are better than this.
Walk away with your head high, your edges intact, and your peace of mind. Look for your own version of love. Let them have each other — your glow-up will teach them all the lessons they need.
Send your questions and comments to [email protected]. Your confidentiality is assured.
