Motherhood- It’s a journey like no other. That may just be the best way to describe it. Pregnancy is an experience that teaches you things about yourself that you never knew; the pain of childbirth shows you just how strong you can be as a woman. And parenting is a road filled with obstacles, joys, tears, and small but significant victories each day.
Motherhood is never what we expect it to be. It is one of those things that one should avoid expecting perfection from. Anything can happen and although general planning is essential, we must also plan to accept the unknown.
This is Motherhood Diaries, and today we bring you a story packed with emotions and lessons. In July of 2014, Nash Paul gave birth to a beautiful and unique baby girl at the Sir Lester Bird Medical Centre. This is their story:
“ They say being a mother is learning about strengths you never had, and dealing with fears you never knew existed.
Many of you know me and my beautiful daughter, but recently I’ve been feeling the urge to be transparent about a certain part of our lives.
I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant. I was scared first, then amused, then soon the feeling of love came and consumed every other emotion. I remember daydreaming about holding her in my arms, watching her take her first steps, and showing her all the wonderful, fun things in the world.
My first ultrasound appointment. That’s when it became real, the sound of her heart seemed to echo in the room-she was a champion from the get-go.
I held back tears and asked the technician “Is my baby okay? Does she have everything she should have? “
“Your baby is perfect.” She replied.
July 31, 2014 was the day Kendazha made her grand entrance. It was a day of pain, courage, fear, excitement, and eagerness. I wanted her OUT, but most importantly I just couldn’t wait to meet the person who was staying inside of me rent free for the past 9 months.
I cried, I screamed, I pushed and before I knew it, she was out. My baby️ was finally here……
But…… An awkward silence came over the room, and instead of letting me hold her, they frantically took her away.
“What’s wrong with her? What’s wrong with my baby?” I called out.
No-one answered.
It felt like my heart had melted; like I was having a horrible out of body experience.
Shortly after, my mom went to find out what was wrong, and returned to me with a look of despair on her face. My heart broke a little more. I wobbled out of the bed and went to see for myself.
There she was, my little angel laying in a cot, tiny, innocent, and beautiful…… and missing 3 toes from each foot. The doctors explained the condition ( Oligodactyly) to me. All I could do was cry.
You see, before she was born, I used to dream about taking her on trips to St. Johns; to carnival and for Christmas-Eve walks. But all of that seemed impossible in that moment. I wondered if she would ever walk. I wondered how much bullying and judgement she would have to endure throughout life.
I spent the next couple months of crying and worrying. Until one day, she got up and took her first step. She could walk. I was overcome with amazement and joy. My baby could walk.
Kendazha walks through life with confidence, pride, and fierce resilience. She has taught me courage, and faith.
These are the things I want my daughter to know:
1.Every time she counts my toes and ask me how long till hers start growing, I break a little inside.
2.Throughout this journey, I have cried enough tears to fill all the oceans on earth.
3.Every time she asks me not to hide her feet, I am so proud.
4.My life changed entirely the moment that I saw her.
5.She is perfect and loved.
I am sharing this to raise awareness about Oligodactyly and to condemn the bullying of differently abled people in Antigua and Barbuda. These conditions don’t only exist in India and Africa.
Sometimes, when children see her feet, they will laugh and tease her. She comes to me crying and even though I tell her how special she is regardless of anyone’s opinion, seeing her like that breaks me apart.
I want to urge parents to teach their children that it’s not okay to bully people who look and act differently than them. Whether it’s physical or mental disabilities- it’s just not okay.
I also want to encourage anyone who is going through a similar situation to have faith and accept your child just the way they are.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.”
